Shira's blogs

I have been stuck in a depressive crash the last few days. I might not even post this blog. I feel like I’m failing at everything and I don’t even want to try anymore. Maybe it’s the heat getting to me or I have just been really overwhelmed or a mixture of both, but it has been really hard to stay motivated. Even writing this blog, I have been working on it for the last week. I have not been working on my requirements and I hate admitting it but I haven’t even been working on anything. I have just sort of stopped doing things all together. I have just been stuck in a rut and I don't really know how to get out besides just waiting. 

This Thursday I got the opportunity to run both level one and level two kids classes. Normally I just get to take a portion of the class at most. But this time I was in charge of the WHOLE class, even though I had a rough 'scripped' to follow it still felt really like I had a lot of responsibility. At times I was unsure whether I was doing a good job, or if the kids were enjoying themselves, and sure there were a few hiccups but overall I think I did pretty good! One of the kids came up to me after class and told me that the class went really fast, I think/hope that's a good thing. One of the things I did was sort of like relays but with lion techniques, I had a rough plan which is normally enough but then it was running faster than I thought it would so I had to think of a few techniques on the spot but I think it also went really good, and I think the kids enjoyed it. And a huge thank you to the people I did have there helping instructed, I wouldn't have been able to ...

Yesterday I went to open training; I wasn’t planning to go originally but I had a change of plans and decided to go. This was a really good decision! I got to work on a few things that have been sitting in my head all week(from not being able to participate in classes). Although there were a few things I didn’t get to work on, which I’m literally just remembering now… I got to work on a lot of different little things, which includes some things I didn’t originally intended to do but am happy I did get to work on them.  One thing I worked on was my katana form. I ran through it with and without a katana(bokken, because I forgot to bring my katana). When I was practicing I was focusing on one of my blocks, and what I was actually blocking. This brought a whole group of questions ‘which direction am I blocking from, am I actually blocking or am I striking?’. After talking with with someone I came to a realization that I did want to be blocking and I knew where strike was coming from. ...

Last Friday I got my wisdom teeth out(three of them), I’m not in much pain, and they didn’t even bleed for more than like 2 hours, which I think is pretty good.  Although one of the hardest parts of getting them out is I’m not allowed to do physical activity for about a week.. It’s like the one thing I can’t do is the only thing I want to do. I really want to be able to do my forms, and just like jump around. But it feels like I’m stuck and can’t do anything. I have just been sleeping, eating, and repeating. And yes I have been doing some other things(both related to Kung fu and not related). Which has been nice but I still feel like bored and not knowing what to do.  push ups - 796 Sit ups - 810 Hand form - 155 Weapon - 137 Kilometres - 477 Aok - 331 Blogs - 11 +1 Sparring - 115 Personal :  Gratitude - 5 Journaling - 9 Keeping room clean - I have been not keeping up with cleaning my room, i am trying to not let it get to messy though.  Full lion dance - 0 Drumming -...

I have been realizing when I go to Kung fu I tend to crash once I get home. Crash as in cry and just not want to move, etc… I think this is because of how good I feel at Kung fu. I fill my time at Kung fu with joy and lasting memories. As I interact with students and peers, these relationships make up a good portion of my life and what I value. But once I get home it’s kind of like reality setting in. All the weight I was carrying before reapears. All the struggles and constant nagging my mind does. I have realized this but I’m not really sure how I can fix it.. I love Kung fu and it’s a huge part of who I am. Without Kung fu my believes and values would probably be completely different. And when I don’t have Kung fu it just gives me more time to sit, battling with my head. But in the same way, I can’t do more(partly bc I go to like ALL the classes) and bc it’s unrealistic to go to all classes. As in I would eventually get overwhelmed and overworked. And I hope that’s not the problem n...