A disconnect

As much as I would like to say this week was good, it wasn’t really. Like there were good parts and bad parts. As most know I tend to look at things in more of a negative perspective which I have been trying to work on. It’s easy to think positive when things are going somewhat good. But once they start crashing it gets really hard, at least for me. Lately I have been really stressed as a bunch of personal stuff has happened, as well as I’m going to a school trip over spring break. This has brought me more anxiety; I have been stressed about not having my mental support(mom and dad) when I’m there. And I know I can still text them but I will also be 8ish hours ahead. Throughout being stressed I have been sort of avoiding Kung fu and my training. Over the last while I have always waited till the last min to blog. Or have missed classes because I physically don’t wanna move. This has been sort of making things worse as when I don’t do my requirements I tend to think I’m letting everyone(the team) down and not pulling my weight. This inevitably makes me try and avoid classes even more. This is just a negative spiral that I need to get out of. 
I feel like I don’t have any answers. I know that I’m struggling although I don’t really know what to do about it. I know I should be using other to my advantage, like getting help from others. But at the same time I’m not. I just feel scared all the time to do so. 
Just summarized I have been struggling with staying involved in classes and just in my personal training. 

push ups - 601
Sit ups - 645
Hand form - 86
Weapon - 80
Kilometres - 127
Aok - 20
Blogs - 7 +1
Sparring - 45

Personal : 
Gratitude - 4
Journaling - 5
Keeping room clean - just cleaned it!!
Full lion dance - 0
Drumming - 0
Buddha - 0
Lion feelings blogs - 0


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